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General Malaise first announced a plan to open The First International Bank of Pirates at the intersection of Street and Wine. There will be a grand ribbon ceremony, where Malaise will address the local worlds from a podium made of holy Styrofoam. M.R. James and H.P. Lovecraft are scheduled to attend, despite death, as special speakers placed on either sides of the stage. Both writers will be wired to a microphone so they can recite everything spoken simultaneously with their own voices.

Following his speech, Malaise will tie a ribbon around his neck and proceed through the front door of the bank.